Advice: Straight Guys?

Dear Underwear Hacker:

I consider myself gay. I respect women, enjoy the company of women, I just can’t get myself to be sexually aroused by them. I am a virgin in my late twenties and not out.

Whenever I go out, I am baffled by how many people who identify as straight seem to be just a little bit too cordial. For some, I would swear they would be willing to have sex with men, yet they always mention how much they find women attractive.

I don’t get it. Is it all in my head? Could it be that I’m misinterpreting as “being gay” what goes on in every male’s mind? Could it be that I identify as gay and other people as straight, with the only difference being that some people are just taught/conditioned to suppress these thoughts early on?

But then, how come they’re aroused by the thought of pussy, and I’m not?

-Confused

Dear Confused:

Well, it sounds like you’re gay. And that’s cool. But, sexuality is rarely straightforward, and  I’m not sure that anyone can be 100% gay or 100% straight — Kinsey certainly didn’t think so. Maybe you are picking up on this with the guys you’re describing.  Maybe they’re mostly straight, maybe they just enjoy the attention of anyone finding them attractive, or maybe you’re getting the wrong impression and they’re not flirting with you at all. Or maybe they are gay, but have not to come out yet.

Sexuality is complicated. If you try to make it fit in nice and neat box, you’re just going to end up frustrating yourself. The best advice I can give is to follow your heart… or your penis.. whichever is in the lead. Feel free to be curious, but understand that you might not find a simple answer. But that’s okay. Who wants to be simple anyway.

-Underwear Hacker

Sex Dolls

Her lips are full and pink. Her teal green eyes are intense and inviting. Her black eyeliner accentuates her high cheekbones and her strawberry hair complements her light African skin. Her metallic halter dress holds her supple thighs and pushes on her round breast. She is the result of careful attention and workmanship. When you see her up close, you can’t help but stare. At $6000, she’s certainly not a cheap date. For creator, Matt McMullen, she’s a work of art. For everyone else, she’s a Real Doll.

Honey Pie from California is a place. on Vimeo.

7 Homemade Sex Toys for Men

Ranker has posted an interesting article for guys on how to make homemade sex toys.  Follow the link to see detailed instructions

Sometimes, the hand just doesn’t cut it. Women have a HUGE market for sex toys, but how many dudes do you know that proudly own a Fleshlight? With the high costs of sex toys for men and the high social stigma-factor of them, sometimes the best way to get something you want is to make it yourself. So, here are the greatest cheap sex toys for men that you can make with little to no cash, in a few minutes, using household items. Sure, most of these look like murder weapons, but sex toys in general (at least for men) don’t generally look all that appealing anyway. Enjoy.

Read the full descriptions at: http://www.ranker.com/list/the-7-greatest-homemade-sex-toys-for-men/greg 

Pubic Hair Maintenance

Curious what to do about that bush above your junk?  AskMen.com published an article on pubic hair management. They recommend that you never leave it unmanaged (although, some might disagree, and prefer the wilder look). 

The hair down there: How do you deal with it? Some guys tackle it head-on with egotistical nonchalance, while others deal with it privately in the corners of their own bathrooms. Regardless of the approach -- and there should be an approach -- trimming your pubes is a highly beneficial move. First of all, it reduces the cloudy bush that can minimize the appearance of your favorite appendage, and secondly it increases the sensuality and fluidity of make-out sessions with your lady.

The decision is a no-brainer, really. Choosing the proper approach to removing pubic hair, however, isn’t always so simple. Several options exist, all with varying degrees of difficulty and all with their own set of pros and cons. The informed manscaper, who wants nothing more than an alluring pubic area, should be acquainted with all his options of pubic hair removal. That way, when the time comes for trimming back the bush, he’ll know the appropriate way to remove his pubic hair.

Check out the full article on AskMen.com for more info, including the pros and cons of trimming, waxing, shaving, a few options.

Advice: Premature Ejaculation

Dear Underwear Hacker, 

What can I do about premature ejaculation?

-Easy Cum

Dear Easy Cum, 

This can be a problem for guys at different points in their lives.  Typically, I hear about it when guys are young and having some of their first sexual experiences, or when they haven't had sex or sexual contact in a while.  Although, others have it throughout their lives or at various points in it, unrelated to the things I mentioned above. 

When someone asks me about premature ejaculation, the first thing I ask about is their masturbation habits.  How often do you do it?  Do you cum pretty quickly when you jack-off?  Can you control it better when your jacking-off?  In some cases, guys have just trained themselves to cum pretty quickly.  You're worried about a roommate or parent walking in, so you whip it out and get off as fast as possible so as not to get caught.  If this is the case, training yourself to take more time while masturbating can be a big help. Try to see how long you can go without cumming.  Set a goal for yourself, and gradually increase it from session to session.  See if you can last 5 mins, then 8, then 10, etc. until you can go as long as you feel is long enough.  You can use things like the squeeze technique and stopping and starting when you feel yourself getting pretty close.  You can also use these techniques during sex.  It's important to have a good sense of your body and know when you're close to cumming with enough time to stop yourself.  You might also try Kegel exercises.  

Beyond these self control techniques, there is also evidence that some drugs may help--particularly anti-depressants and desensitization creams. You would need to talk to your doctor about most of these.  However, I have seen some of these creams sold over the counter.  Typically, they just numb your penis so you aren't stimulated as much.  Personally, I think that takes the fun out of it.  

I'd recommend trying to regain control in a more natural way first.  If the exercises and techniques mentioned above don't work, talk to you doctor as ask about pharmaceutical treatments.  

Oglaf Comic -- Noblesse Oblige

Noblesse Oblige http://www.oglaf.com/noblesse/

Advice: Too Gay?

Dear Underwear Hacker, 



What do you think about gay men who act effeminate versus gay men who act masculine?
-Unsigned


Dear Unsigned,
I'm not sure how to answer this one.
I think there is a variation among male homosexual in terms of gender roles/ gendered behavior, .... etc , as there is in every sexual orientation. Although, masculinity and femininity are not mutually exclusive traits. Someone can be masculine and feminine at the same time (androgynous), singularly masculine or feminine, or neither masculine nor feminine. There is much academic debate over whether homosexual men are biologically more feminine or if perhaps, by being gay they just feel more comfortable expressing a feminine side. I'm not sure how to answer "what I think about it."  It is what it is.
-UHacker

Advice: Mad Men

Dear Underwear Hacker, 

I was raised in a household where men were aggressors, violent, drug addicted, and so forth. Partly as a result of that, I have a lot of difficulty assuming male gender roles. I fear being like them. It's my belief that my lack of interest in typical male things (I don't watch or care about sports, I can't work on cars, I don't like being 'in charge' of things, I don't have male friends, etc) is an internal fear of being anything like the so-called 'men' I saw as I grew up. This gender role issue is compounded by my social anxiety disorder. I cannot approach or flirt with a woman, it feels pushy and I worry about making her uncomfortable. I cannot assert myself in social groups, because I don't want to be 'that guy' I guess. The list goes on and on...

This has led to a lot of serious problems in life and in relationships, and I have no idea where to start on fixing it. Any thoughts, tips, advice, or websites you could offer?

I am a completely straight and very highly sexual male, and large-built, well muscled, and so forth. Just to avoid any perception others may have that I'm anything otherwise. (And yes, I know this itself is a male ego related behaviour...)

- Militant

Dear Militant, 

As I see it the only real "problem" you have described is your social anxiety. However, as I read your description, you seem to be somewhat hung-up on your masculine portrayal. Many men do not like sports, cars, being in charge, and are not assertive. Although, western cultures do describe these as masculine traits, not having them or not being masculine doesnt have to be and isn't necessarily a problem. The larger issue seems to be that you are worried about it. And yet at the end of your post, you have described yourself in some very masculine ways otherwise: " completely straight and very high sexual male, and large-built, well muscled, and so forth." These are masculine characteristics that some sports-loving, gear-headed, assertive guys are not. This is to say, what guy is all masculine in every way, all the time? Very few--perhaps none.

I say all this, to point out that one thing don't have to be anxious about is how masculine you are or are not. It sounds like you have some very sound and insightful reasoning for why you might have consciously or unconsciously avoided many of the prototypical masculine interests. And that's fine. We are all shaped by our environment to some degree. In regards to your social anxiety, every type of person can experience this problem, regardless or sex or gender. This is something no one could solve on an errant website post, but I encourage you to seek out therapy (group therapy often works well for this particular issue) or at the very least do some reading about it.

-UH

Too much pr0n?

Dear Underwear Hacker, 


I watch a lot of porn.  I think more than most of my other friends.  I haven't really ever asked them because I'm afraid they might want to know how much I watch, and like I said, I think it's a lot.  How much is too much?  And do you think porn is inherently harmful?  Do you think age has anything to do with it?  

Faps_alot

Dear Faps_alot, 


I'm not sure age has much to do with it. I think this could be a problem, or not a problem, at any age.  I don't think that porn is inherently harmful.  Study after study on this exact topic has proven that. 
Whether it's a problem for an individual or not is depends on whether or not it negatively affects many other areas of his life. If you're just watching a lot of porn in your free time, and want to get off at every instance, that might not be a problem. It might just be a time in your life when you're horny a lot. And that can happens to guys of any age.. but particularly younger guys. I imagine many of the readers here could sympathize. However, if you find yourself constantly skipping school, avoiding friends, avoiding work, . . .etc, to watch porn then you it might be something be more concerned about. This is how psychologists define any sort of psychological addiction (gambling, eating, shopping, etc ...)


-UH